The 13 Party

With Kevin Rudd’s Twitter gaff post origin still fresh in the mind (Congrats Broncos! KRudd) one is reminded of the many times politicians have tried to talk the footy talk...and failed harder than Peter Costello dancing the Macarena. Whether its Bob Carr revving the NSW Blues up for their big Origin match against Victoria or Paul Keating congratulating Steve Roach on ‘all the great tries he kicked for Balmain’ the pollies have time and time again showed they are out of touch when it comes to the big issues in this country. It’s a disgrace.

Therefore the good people of this land have no choice but to demand that a specialist rugby league party of current and ex footy players follow in the great steps of Mal Meninga and stand in the next Federal election. Here is the shortlist of potential candidates to appear on the party ticket.

Nathan Hindmarsh                                     

Pros: Has shown great stamina over the years and been a solid leader of an inconsistent team

Cons: Terrible grooming and lacks poise in front of the camera (http://bit.ly/mSjHeh)

Slogan: “I’ll give it a crack!”

 Darren Lockyer                   

Pros: A proven winner sure to corner the QLD vote lost by Rudd’s dismissal

Cons: Voice makes Julia Gillard sound like Barry White

Slogan: “Hurgh, ughhm hrr mzz yhrm!”

"Shit, my car!"

 Matt Orford: 

Pros: Already lives in Canberra, solid toiler with great perseverance

Cons: Already failed in Canberra whilst getting paid a lot of money

Slogan: “I’ll come good, trust me!”

"The wigs. The catchphrases. Brilliant".

 Beau Ryan

Pros: Would be great on the front bench (plenty of experience sitting on the bench), has media experience and guaranteed at least a vote from Tim Sheens.

Cons: Prone to brain explosions , bound to have made a few enemies in his comedy days
Slogan: “Beau knows what you want!”

What could go wrong?

Todd Carney     

Pros: Like many former great politicians Carney has shown that he is capable of turning his life around and overcoming adversity. Wouldn’t mind living in Canberra and would fit well into any party. Has some small business experience.

Cons: Technically could be arrested if his driver stops at the traffic lights in Goulburn on the way to parliament house.

Slogan: “C’mon Australia, give me a chance! Again!”

Adam Macdougall 

Pros: Impressive speaker who is not afraid to put the boot into the opposition (just ask Toovs!)

Cons: Tends to go missing in action for long stretches and may earn the ire of the house speaker if his thighs keep interrupting parliament.

Slogan: “My thighs never let me down so don’t you even think of it!”

Probably the best not to think about the term explore in too much depth here.

‘Honest’ John Hopoate

Pros: Family Man and good Christian who has adapted to a number of changes throughout his career

Cons: Has been known to poke into areas that don’t concern him, could be argued that he doesn’t always have his finger on the pulse and at times behaves like a bit of an ass at times

Slogan: “Let honest John put his hand up for you!”