For the first couple of years of their life the Gold Coast Titans (or the Tits as they’re affectionately known to locals on the GC) sparkled like the swimsuit of a nubile young meter maid, however 2011 has seen the Tits looking old, saggy and in need of support!
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| Pic: Titans 2011 |
Not since Warrick Capper got his wang out on Celebrity Big Brother has the Gold Coast been this disappointed. Performances have become as ugly as Trevor Gilmeister’s baby photos as Captain Scott Prince turned pauper, veteran forward Luke Bailey lumbered around like a balding tourist who had spent all day in the sun at Wet ‘n’ Wild and Coach John Cartwright’s appendix spontaneously combusted after Steve Michael’s dropped his 189th ball for the season. Cartwright’s unscheduled stint in a Gold Coast recovery ward was by far the biggest blow to the team’s crowd numbers as people from both sides of the border would normally travel hours to see ‘Torretts’ Cartwright in the coach’s box doing his best impersonation of a man trapped in a phone booth with a swarm of deadly European wasps as the Tits flailed and flopped about on the field.
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| "Ha ha ha has anyone seen that kook Cartwright?" |
Speaking of the fans most of them had found better things to do by the seasons pointy end, with many preferring to sample the Gold Coast’s legendary cultural precincts (i.e. The wax museum, Cavill Avenue Maccas, Bad Girls), perv on local talent down at Snapper Rocks or knock over a local servo or two than watch the Tits flop again. The end result of this being some of the Tits’ final game attendances looking more like a casting call for Warrick Capper’s next porno flick than a first grade footy match.
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| Oh if only you would... |
So is this the end for the game’s former glamour boys? Should the Tits go the way of the Seagulls, Chargers and Giants? Will team owner and head Tit Michael Searle be forced to turn the clubs Centre of Excellence into a state of the art pole dancing academy just to make ends meet? Not on your Nelly! Not only does the Gold Coast have some great new Tits coming their way next year as shown in this weeks press conference but the Gold Coast is Australia’s capital of personal reinvention (just ask Tania Zaetta!). A bit of a nip here, a tuck there and whack a couple of big boppers up front and my prediction is the Tits will be back next year bigger, firmer and ready to bounce back on top where they belong!
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| Fair to say the puns stop here guys |
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