The new game they play in Heaven?

"Now turn the other cheek so I can break that too!"

A new nemesis stalks rugby league, silently stealing its brightest stars from under the noses of player managers, prospective clubs and Nick Politis. It is powerful, cashed up and all pervasive...I am of course talking about Religion.

How on Earth can the NRL hope to compete with its puny salary cap when the other guys are offering everlasting life, eternal enlightenment and free raisin toast on Sundays?

Now that the dust has settled on Will ‘Pinkie’ Hopoate’s signing with the Ned Flanders XIII for the next two seasons it’s time we examine the whole situation with a bit less zeal. For the majority of people on this website whose Sunday’s are spent breaking wind in front Video Hits as opposed to breaking bread Young Hoppa’s decision probably ranks up there with some of the decisions his old man John ‘the Antichrist’ made back in the day. However, scratch just beneath the surface of rugby league’s explosive, star spangled exterior and you’ll find that the links between rugby league and religion run deep.

Some will point to the increased presence of traditionally religious Polynesian players in the NRL. This is true to an extent, as three players now in Hopoate, Jordan Rapana and Lagi Setu (who we can only hope has received some sort of divine intervention in regards to his ball-handling skills) have left the game to pursue missionary work.  More likely though is the fact that when your career involves being belted by blokes the size of small cars and one injury might cost you your livelihood it pays to have the man up-stairs (be it God, Allah, Buddha or Paul Simpkins) in your corner.

Thus, in the same way other professionals whose jobs depend on an element of good fortune ( farmers, fishermen, soldiers etc) rugby league players are actually more inclined to be religious than members of the general public. Sure, not all of them want to appear on the Footy Show to proclaim their faith based celibacy to such understanding souls as Fatty Vautin and Trent the Flight Steward but players and coaches such as Hazem El Masri, Des Hasler, Father John Cootes and even the Hon. William Mason have shown that it is possible to ‘Love thy neighbour’ whilst simultaneously belting the tripe out of them.

Will Hopoate may not have answered every footy fan’s prays by leaving the game just as his powers were beginning to peak (although David Williams would be counting his blessings), however if the NRL wants to embrace diversity then this is going to happen from time to time. Hopoate, a young man who’s father’s shadow threatened to dismantle his career before it even began, has vowed to come back to the game stronger, faster and a better all-round human being.

Amen to that.